The Entire 4 Chapter - Out of Darkness

The Biting King - The Entire 4 Chapter of Out of Darkness


I could bore you with all the stories of the drinking and the pain, but what would be the point of that? What I will do is hit the low points of the drinking and partying years after high school.

(THERE WERE MANY, BELIEVE ME.)

There are too many to list them all, trust me. I could dedicate the whole book to missed opportunities and lost jobs, fights and girlfriends and the life I thought was normal! Fooled around with cocaine and inhalants for a while. Cocaine ruled my life for about a year. Many times I thought that my heart would explode right out of my chest.

At this time in my life I was totally lost, doing things that I am not very proud of and it shows you how very low I sank in this period of time, I mean I would get angery when I was drinking and acting in ways I can belive I did, I am now glad that I have been sober for seven years!

One time I got drunk and got in a fight with one of my best friends. His name was Mike and I almost bit his finger off, can you believe that, really almost bit his finger off. Thats nuts. There I was standing there like a mad dog with blood all over my shirt and mouth, looking like a cannibal.

Looking back, I really cant believe I survived all the drinking. But Gods plan for my life was keeping me alive for a special reason, and soon I discovered that reason!

I found the woman of my dreams at a party.

(THANK YOU, GOD.)

I was drinking and taking pills. We hooked up and had sex and that led to a years engagement and then we were married. As I remember back this was truly one of the best of times, as I had found someone who drank and that I truly loved and had a great time with. I have to add that we just celebrated our 15 anniversary recently!

(Let the good times roll.)

I dont believe that God could have placed another woman who would have put up with all the drunkenness and parties and all the bullshit that I put my wife through, but at the onset she partied just as much too. Well, not as much but a close second.

Lets move on. My friends finger that I bit got infected and I was sweating it. If he lost it then I was going to jail.

(THATS REALLY SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF.)

To this day I cant believe that I did it. Just goes to show you what alcohol will do to you!

Please know that my in-laws have told me that this part of the book was wrong my mother-in-law did NOT grab my nuts, I just went crazy and got into it with my father in-law and I am sure he could have cleaned my clock as drunk as I was. So please Pat and Willy except my heartfelt apology, see I told you two I would fix itJ Now I will leave the story the same because that is how I remember it, with that said please know I was just a drunken fool and it is incidents like this that lead me to stop drinking!


Another time I attacked my father-in-law and threw a flashlight at him, and then proceeded to take him to the floor, and my mother-in-law was grabbing my nuts, trying to get me off of him. It must have worked because after a short period I stopped. I must add here I bit him also! I took a chunk out of his arm, and literally had his hair stuck in my teeth and could not get it out.

(Man, was that a weird feeling.)

When you bite someone you must really be drunk because normally you just punch and roll on the floor. Not me, I was the biting king!

After that little incident I walked to my parents house, which I must tell you was quite a distance as my in-laws live out in the country and my folks live in the city. I was freezing; it was very cold out. They were trying to find me for hours and I finally showed up at my mom and dads house shivering to death. I am really surprised I didnt lose some of my fingers or ears or feet because it was snowing out and I was dressed to go out to a private club called the Eagles, which we did every Friday or Saturday. (It was our weekly ritual; my wifes side of the family would go out there and party.)

One night up at the Eagles, I was drinking Jack and Coke and man was I slamming them, I mean one right after the other. It wasnt long before I was wasted; I kept on drinking but switched to beer because I was messed up. By the time we left I was light.

(I COULD BARELY WALK.)

They had to take my arms, one on each side, to get me out to the car. As soon as we made it outside I blew chunks, puked like I had never puked before. It felt like forty gallons of throw up, man that was sick. You should have seen the time they had getting me into the house, it took forever.

Thats when the bottom started to fall out. The booze no longer hid the pain, but only made it worse. A severe depression set in that never lifted. Where was the God that loved me so much? What kind of life would I have?

Ill tell you what kind of lifea life full of mental institutions and pills and doctors and hospitals.

I started hearing voices and that really bothered me. This is something that I cant explain to you; I mean you really hear voices and I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy. At times I thought I was Moses and that I had to lead the people out of Egypt. Once I thought someone had stolen my brain. At that point they thought I had schizoaffective disorder, a form of schizophrenia. I would hear radios playing in the background.

(could never turn them off.)

I could never get to sleep, always heard radios and people screaming in the night. Eventually I got used to it and it didnt scare me anymore because I knew that it wasnt going to kill me, but still I couldnt sleep with all that racket going on. So I lived with the radio and voices a long time before anyone could get them to go away. When they finally went away I was so doped up that my family was actually embarrassed to take me anywhere, as I acted like I was loaded. This is how I really was in a drunken state, say things I shouldnt say and do things I shouldnt do. To top it all off, it stopped my penis from functioning, so you can imagine the scenea drunken fellow who is horny and cant get an erection! If that is not a form of HELL, I dont know what is.

(NOW THATS A WEIRD THING!)

I am sure you can picture me stumbling around in a store saying stupid things. People thought I was rude and drunk, yet I was just being my own medicated self.

Did I have schizoaffective disorder? The answer to that is NO, I did not. I am off all my schizo medication and havent heard a peep in seven years.

(I BET YOU ARE ASKING YOURSELF, WHY THEN DID I HEAR VOICES AND RADIOS?)

Good question, and I am going to answer that for you right now. Dr. Heller explained it to me and he told me why I didnt have that. Having BPD (borderline personality disorder) you reach a state of dysphoria, which is when you lose contact with reality. Your perception changes the way you filter information and when that is altered you lose contact with reality and the real world. When you hit severe dysphoria you go into a state where you can actually hear voices. Since my BPD was not treated properly at the time, I proceeded to go into a dysphoric, psychotic state. I heard voices and hurt myself to stop the pain, drank to stop the pain, and on and on.

So you see the never-ending battle I was in. The doctors dont know what you have and are taking stabs at it in the dark. This book is giving you a small glimpse not only of some of the results of what happens when you are treated improperly but also of the results of what can happen when you are treated properly by an expert in the field!

Now to come to the Drs. Defense, I was a tuff case and it would have stumped the best Drs. And it did. I can only thank God that I meet Dr. Heller, so no there arent any bad Drs. They are doing what they are taught, its just that we need to be teaching them a different style and a different way. Now let me insert the Out of Darkness Mission statement as I think you can see my vision for the future and it is my hope that someone somewhere will step up to the plate and get the ball rolling in the right direction.


With Much Love,
Arthur

arthur@out-of-darkness.com

www.out-of-darkness.com